Wednesday, August 14, 2013

The Champ Heads to College Part 2

*You should read Part 1 before you read this, if you haven't done so already*

After two weeks of non-stop partying, I accepted my bid to pledge with the hope that I would eventually become a brother of the fraternity.  In all honesty, I had no idea what to expect, and looking back now, I realize that I was in no way prepared for what pledging actually was.  I was basically someone else’s bitch for however many days it took me to complete all of the traditions, and in time learn the ideals that are the foundation of the fraternity.  It was probably the hardest thing I ever did in my life, but I knew in the end it would all be worth it.  It was also the best time of my life that I would never want to do again.  In between the slave-like treatment I endured, I was getting kidnapped by sororities whose only purpose was to get me as drunk as possible and take advantage of me.  At parties, I spent half of my time serving the fraternity beer and the other half trying not to get a boner after drunken sluts were ruthlessly grinding their butts on my dick while I stood against the wall.    

The traditions themselves were absolutely terrible.  I’m not going to get into specifics, because frankly it’s none of your fuckin’ business.  And some nights when I didn’t have traditions were just as bad, because my fraternity was no joke, whereas the less-hard frats probably chewed out their pledges more like this:

When the time for my induction into brotherhood was nearing, it was almost like I was brainwashed to not give a fuck.  Good thing I was already a Champion with this sentiment firmly embedded in my psyche, because most people would probably start to breakdown.  I was cold, wet, hungry, and sore by the time the sun rose on my last night of pledging, and you better believe that when they gave me my shirt with the fraternity letters emblazoned upon it, I earned it.  I literally screamed like a madman as I was being congratulated by the brothers.  Then, the party started, and I blacked out pretty quickly because during my time pledging I didn’t drink that much and I lost some weight.  I don’t remember if it was the first night I was in or the second night, but I finally got pussy from a girl who looked like a hot version of Oprah, which is still an ugly version of a normal girl.  I did not give a fuck though, because I was overjoyed to be a free man and back on the road to winning championships.

My first few weeks as a brother, I was an absolute savage.  On the weekends I brought championship-winning to a new level.  I would pregame with a bottle then drink beer and punch at the parties, and after hitting up the bars I would either try to get pussy or do some J with my good friends until the sun started to peek over the horizon.  On weekdays, I would still go out and get hammered, and sometimes during the day I was that kid sitting in the back of class with disheveled hair and red eyes, still awake from the night before with my jaw swinging to a rudimentary beat looping in my delirious mind.  Over time, I learned that when I would “party” myself into that physical and mental state, it was better to just skip class that day.  It was too hard for me to sit in class with other students, and when I tried to it normally ended up being like this:

Unfortunately, pledging took up most of my first semester at school, and since I transferred in the spring, I only had a few weeks after I became a brother until summer vacation started.  I took full advantage of the short time I had left that semester, and I went out almost every night.  In less than a week I put on all of the weight I lost during pledging, and my lungs, nostrils, liver, and penis made up for all the lost time as well.  The only significant memory I have from this time period is during Alumni Weekend, when I woke up at 8am on the stage at the party apartment in a puddle of some unknown liquid.  My guess is that it was some cocktail of beer, punch, and piss, but I try not to think about it. Luckily, my boy Pete picked me up so I could shower at his apartment, and then I bought an alarming amount of jiff to help resuscitate me in time for that night’s party.   
After weeks of unadulterated awesomeness, the semester finally came to an end.  Before I packed my shit and headed back to Albany for the summer, I made one fateful decision that would alter my future in a profound way.  My fraternity was having trouble finding a fifth person to live in the party apartment, and although I was still considered a freshman, I was older than most of the brothers, so they turned to me for help.  It didn’t take that much time for them to persuade me to sign the lease, and that signature set in motion pieces of a puzzle that would ultimately end in a Championship like no other.  So instead of this summer being the summer before my sophomore year, it was the summer before I lived in the party apartment.  It was the calm before the storm….

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