On March 3rd, 1986 at approximately 3:00 am, a gentle breeze cascaded easterly, gusting over the rolling hills and misty mountains of upstate New York. A vibrant moonlight reflected off the dew-covered grass, and a feeling of optimism hung in the air as if the land knew that Spring was right around the corner.
At this moment, a Champion was born.
And by "born," I mean an infant covered in uteral goo broke free from the confines of the womb and army crawled out of his mother’s vagina.
The world has never been the same since.
The fiscally brilliant correctly predicted that Plan B stock would skyrocket, and knife use increased exponentially. "Pharmaceutical" companies expanded their productivity in preparation for a certain someone's late teens and early twenties, and Door Builders began developing panels that could withstand the fiercest head butts. Needless to say, the Door Builders failed and the Pharmy's ™ couldn’t keep up - but those stories will come later on in our journey.And as you begin this journey, understand that the journey of The Champion is difficult to put into words. The scribes and scholars who have attempted to document this spectacle have devoted their blood, sweat, and tears to their duty as historians - their duty to humanity.
But even they falter.
For example, it is known in the scientific community that the early years of one’s life are critical in their development, but the early years of the Champion's life are shrouded in mystery. His earliest memory is actually something he doesn’t remember: losing his virginity when he was 15 to a 21 year old fat whore named Stephanie while blacked out on Jim Beam.
Thank god he doesn’t remember.
After that everything got a little crazy -partying, arrests, vandalism, stabbing, pledging an unrecognized Frat.....even a little poo on the rug.
So with that being said, I extend the warmest of welcomes to all. Welcome to The Champions Corner