Sunday, April 8, 2012

Hall of Champions Inductee #2

The world of sports is basically a breeding ground for Champions.  Some might consider it a cop out for me to even mention an athlete for the HOC because it’s such an obvious call.  For instance, Aaron Rodgers is a Super Bowl MVP who is coming off the greatest Fantasy Football Performance in the history of mankind – obvious Champ.  But this blog is designed to bring the oft-unheralded champions to the forefront of humanity.  The champions who linger on the margins of society, the ones who care little about living life in the limelight.
With that being said, sometimes when I’m out with a group of friends harassing girls, pounding shots, and high-fiving, a sports discussion will start.  More often than not, the discussion is about the world’s greatest sport – American Football.  We argue about whose team is the best, what city has the most fuckable cheerleaders, and so on and so forth.  When we start talking about different positions, everyone’s favorite is always Quarterback, Running Back or Wide Receiver.  Not me.  My favorite position and new member of the Hall of Champions - the fucking long snapper.

Long snappers are fuckin’ champions, plain and simple.  Most football players have a hard enough time trying to throw accurate spirals to they’re receivers with only a possibility of being hit by a defensive player.  Long snappers throw perfect spirals every time with a 300 pound lineman literally three inches from they’re face who is guaranteed to smash into them.  Oh yea, and they do it upside down and through they’re fucking legs. Not to mention the minimum NFL salary is somewhere around $550,000 for rookies, so these guys are ballin’ out and on good days they only get on the field about ten times.  So they make bank by having the best seats in the stadium for the majority of the game, then when they are called upon they do some crazy upside down acrobatic shit that normally results in points being scored.  Imagine being the long snapper on a team like the Jaguars – they never score, so in turn you get paid to put on a uniform and watch your team lose every week without breaking a sweat.  God I love football.

Now you may be thinking, "but what about punts? They have long snappers too." This is true, but Champions don't punt, they always go for it on fourth down.  So Long Snappers, I’m proud to welcome you to the Hall of Champions. 

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