Thursday, December 25, 2014

Hall of Champions Inductee #1

When I decided to start writing a blog that would serve as a chronicle of my champion achievements, I knew that it would bring joy to people all over the world. It also donned on me that there are other champions out there besides yours truly, so it only made sense to devote some of my time on this website to make my readers aware of these other champs. At first I was going to do a "Champion of the Week" post, but being a champion is a lifestyle, not a seven-day act.  Also, I don’t know if I will be able to post once a week about these people, because champions have no set schedule.  One day I might wake up and decide to go to “work,” clock out and drive home, and write all night about my past sexual exploits and binge drinking escapades.  On the other hand, I might wake up one day and not go to work, drive to Oneonta for a twelve day drug-and-alcohol-fueled party, and put in the type of MVP performance worthy of a future blog post. 
So with that said, you may be asking yourself why I posted a picture showing what appears to be the offspring of Gimli Gloin and Yoda.  Clearly a man who looks like that cannot be worthy of enshrinement in the prestigious HOC.  WRONG.  That man is George R.R. Martin aka author of A Game of Thrones aka Champion.  (minor spoiler warning)
 A Game of Thrones is actually the title of the first book in his planned seven book series A Song of Ice and Fire.  Calling them books doesn’t do Martin justice either, these are fuckin’ Tomes.  Each one is near a thousand pages or more, and they are filled with epic sword battles, back-stabbing that makes the Desperate Housewives look like Big Bird and Elmo, and graphic sexual encounters. Anybody who can write about a Dragon Queen taking a Horse Lord’s “manhood in her mouth” in one chapter, then discuss a Dwarf who fucks a prostitute before leading a band of mountain clansmen into battle is a true Champion in my book.  Also, don’t get too emotionally attached to any of the characters – Martin won’t think twice about chopping off the head of a fan-favorite main character to advance his plot.  Just ask Eddard Stark, Lord of Winterfell, Warden of the North, Hand of the King, and fuckin’ dead before the first book ends.  And to top it off, an Emmy-nominated HBO series is based on his books, creatively titled “Game of Thrones.”

Basically, if Lord of the Rings raped The Sopranos, Game of Thrones would be the bastard child.  So George R.R. Martin, I am proud to welcome you to the Hall of Champions.

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